allisonexplainsitall:
“The Office is over but it’s not REALLY over.
”
sixpenceee:
“ counterhunter:
“ ‘arent we supposed to have antlers or something’
‘fuck if i know’
”
‘who cares we’re mad cute’
”

generallyhuman:

sonypraystation:

baetology:

Describe your perfect date in detail.

ideal date: it happens

What is my perfect date? I break into Tiffany’s at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It’s priceless. As I’m taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It’s her father’s business. She’s Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don’t trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he’s the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadero. She’s been waiting for me all these years; she’s never taken another lover. I don’t care, I don’t show up. I go to Berlin. That’s where I stashed the chandelier.

d4r1a:

i dont usually quote paris hilton, but she did once say, “If somebody ever asks you to do something, do it really bad so you never have to do it again” and this advice has never failed me

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